Nine Beautiful Months

My sweet Lyric,

I've started this journal as something to give to you when you're ready to read it. Because it's for you, every entry will be written TO you. Much like this journal, everything in my life is now for you. My heart beats for you, my soul prays for you, and my voice sings for you, my beautiful daughter. The time I carried you was so special, so I'll start by telling you all about it.

Your daddy and I were living in separate states after we got married because we were both in the Air Force. I was stationed in Maryland, and Daddy was stationed in New York. He came to Maryland to visit me at the end of June, and as it turns out, you were conceived on his birthday (June 28th). He had to return to New York the following week, so he wasn't with me when I took my first pregnancy test. It came back negative, but when I took another one on my birthday, it said I was pregnant! Talk about the best birthday present ever. That was the first time that you made me smile.

Most pregnant women are notoriously nauseous and sick in their first trimester, and I was no exception. I would have to sit down in the shower every morning because I felt so queasy, and I usually threw up a couple of times before leaving for work. I'd feel better after that, but the nausea never really went away completely. "Morning sickness" is a misnomer- like lots of women, my sickness lasted most of the day. You might wonder why I named this entry "Nine Beautiful Months". Even though throwing up and being sick doesn't sound very beautiful, the reason behind it is: bringing a new soul into the world. Any time that I felt down about being sick all the time, I would think of you- I'd wonder what you would look like, what it would feel like to hold you, and what Daddy and I were going to name you. Those thoughts always made me feel better, because I knew that you would make any amount of sickness well worth it.

There's also a running stereotype that all pregnant women crave weird foods like ice cream with pickles. Nothing that I craved was terribly weird, but I definitely wanted certain foods far more than others. I wanted LOTS of cold stuff: ice, popsicles, milkshakes, smoothies, and slushies. Fruit always sounded good, too: watermelon, strawberries, and pineapple were always in my fridge. Lemon-lime Gatorade helped when I was feeling nauseous, and I still smile when I drink it because it reminds me of being pregnant with you.

I remember the first time I felt you kick. They say that movements feel like little flutters when a baby is still really tiny, and that's a very accurate description. I had woken up in the middle of the night, and when I sat up in bed, you were fluttering away. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before, but those flutters became more and more common as the weeks went by. By the time Halloween rolled around, your movements were more pronounced and easier to recognize. As I drove to New York the day that I moved away from Maryland, you were kicking like crazy. I like to think that you knew I was going to be with Daddy and you were as excited as I was. I kept trying to get Daddy to feel one of your kicks, but any time he put his hand on my belly, you'd stop moving. He finally felt you move on Christmas day, and he was beaming. Your birth was still several months away, but you had already made both of us so happy.

One of the most exciting parts of my pregnancy was finding out whether you were a boy or girl. Some families choose to keep the gender a surprise and wait until their baby is born, but there's no way I would have been able to wait that long. Daddy had come to visit me again in mid-October, right when I was about half-way through the pregnancy. An ultrasound can easily reveal if a baby is a boy or a girl by the half-way point, so I booked an appointment at a clinic for that weekend. The best part was that I didn't tell Daddy what I had planned. Because I was still living in Maryland, I had been going to my doctor's appointments alone. I had seen you twice via ultrasound, but your daddy had only seen pictures that I showed him. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and we got in the car to head to the clinic. I didn't tell Daddy where we were heading, but as we walked along the sidewalk, he saw the "Stork Vision" sign on the building and figured it out. In our appointment, they asked if we wanted to know the gender. I said "OF COURSE!" I was so excited. I had told Daddy a couple of weeks earlier that I thought you were a girl (more on that in the next paragraph), but I didn't quite trust my intuition. Turns out I was right! That was such a special moment. You immediately went from being our "little Whalen" to being our daughter. I didn't stop smiling during the whole ultrasound. We got to see you kick, yawn, and move your hands all over the place. I was so glad that Daddy got to be there, too. When you're pregnant with a baby of your own, you'll understand how incredibly exciting it is to see the life inside of you. It's a little surreal, but nothing short of incredible.

This section is a little funny. There are LOTS of rumored ways to tell a baby's gender based on its mom's symptoms, even the date of conception. I'll go over some of them and tell you what my experience was.
CARRYING HIGH or LOW
If you carry high, it's a girl. Carry low and it's a boy. I felt like I carried high, almost like you were nestled in my ribs.

MORNING SICKNESS
Sick = girl. Not sick = boy. This one definitely proved true. =)

HAIR GROWTH
They say that your hair grows faster with a boy, but slower if it's a girl. I never had that thick, shiny pregnancy hair, and I felt like my leg hair grew a lot slower than it did before I was pregnant. This one was right, too.

CRAVINGS
Sweets = girl. Salty/sour/savory = boy. This one's hard to tell, because I craved both. I liked anything lime, and I also really enjoyed tortilla chips, spicy food, and super sharp cheddar cheese.

HEARTBEAT
<140 bmp = boy. >140 bpm = girl. Your heart rate was always 144 or 146 at my doctor's appointments, so this one was true, too.

WEDDING RING METHOD
You're supposed to tie your wedding ring to a piece of string, lie down, and hold the ring above your belly. If it moves in a circle, it's a girl. Moves back and forth, it's a boy. My ring kind of did both, but I also had a really hard time holding my hand still. This one was inconclusive for me.

The last thing that I'll say about my pregnancy with you was that it went by SO quickly. There were times that I wished I could fast forward to you being born, partly because I was so excited to hold you but also because some of the symptoms became hard to tolerate in the final couple of months. However, what they say is true: as soon as your baby's born, you forget all about the pains of pregnancy and labor. The only pain I feel now is at the thought of anything that causes YOU pain. Being your mommy and protecting you is the best job I'll ever have, and I'm loving every minute of it!